Never Bitter and All Delicious
by rippedjeans
Summary: Santana was always fine, and even if she wasn't. No one would ever know.


**AN: My first Glee fic! Santana is my favorite, and I feel like there aren't enough stories just centered around her. Heads up, the drabbles are in no particular order because chronological order wasn't important to the story line. Hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Glee so don't sue. **

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"We'd be so less fragile  
If we're made from metal  
And our hearts from iron  
And our minds from steel"

-_Three Wishes, _The Pierces

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She was fine when Quinn got Captain of the Cheerios.

Even if she had worked her ass off for years to get that prized spot. Endless dance lessons, endless gymnastics lessons, endless dieting, endless practices with her big sister who was captain of the cheerios when she was in high school. All of that time wasted. Her sister was going to be so disappointed. Hell, she was horribly disappointed. It took all of her will power not to burst into tears when Coach Sylvester announced Quinn captain.

But instead she plastered a fake grin on her and congratulated her "best friend".

When Puck called her that night to ask her how everything went, she informed him that the "blonde bitch stole her spot".

"Are you okay?" he asked her in his soft voice that he reserved only for herself, his mom, and his younger sister.

"I'm fine." She replied monotonously. "Besides, she only got the spot because she's crawled so far up Sue's ass that she can practically see out of her eyeballs."

Puck could see through her tough exterior. After all, they had known each other for years and were best friends, but he decided not to call her out on her bullshit. He knew bitching was her way of coping.

She was fine when Finn pathetically told her that he felt nothing because it didn't mean anything.

Hell, Santana was all for no strings attached sex, but damn. That was just plain insulting. Santana prided herself on being hot and good at sex. She knew that if everything else fell apart in her life, she would still have those two things.

How could he not feel anything? She wasn't expecting him to fall in love with her. She would be absolutely horrified if he did because love is one thing Santana is not about to attempt any time soon. But to feel nothing?

It's not exactly like she enjoyed it either. Between his awkward hand placements and his mumbled apologies every five seconds to his slightly terrifying orgasm face, Santana was repulsed.

And then when he started rambling on about Man Hands, and about how he should have just asked her out when he had the chance and blah blah blah; Santana couldn't take it anymore. Finn was supposed to be the nice, slightly stupid boy that could never hurt a girl if he tried, but somehow he made her feel like a used up slut. How dare he.

"San, y-you were great." Finn told her noticing her pissed off and slightly offended expression. Frankly, he was scared shitless of her and always had been. "I just…I just wish my first time had of been with Rachel…." He trails off.

"Oh please! I didn't rape you!" Santana huffed disgusted by his pussy like behavior. "Do me a favor real quick will ya? Reach down your pants and try and locate your balls. When you find them let me know."

And with that, she was gone leaving a confused and puppy dog eyed Finn alone in the motel room most definitely still pining over Man Hands.

She was fine when Puck for some reason decided it would be a good idea to serenade Jew Nose.

Seriously, what was he thinking? Whatever game he is playing needs to be put to an abrupt end because those two together is just creepy and unnatural.

To say she was disgusted would be putting it lightly. She was disturbed. She was totally weirded out. And she was pissed. What the hell is his problem? This has got to be a joke. How does he go from a perfect ten (being herself of course) to a negative seven.

Rachel fucking Berry. Seriously? He used to give her slushy facials on a regular basis. Now he's singing love songs to Queen of the Freaks. She just doesn't understand. If anyone, he should be singing to her. She's the one who has put up with his shit since they were five.

He's changing. She sees it and she feels it, and she sure as hell doesn't like it. He's not the same anymore. He's acting less like Puck and more like Noah. And the fact that his sudden change has nothing to do with her cracks her ice cold heart just enough to make her eyes prickle and make her wish they were ten again. Back when things weren't nearly as complicated and when she was the only girl (besides his mom and sister of course) in his world.

But emotions are not something that Santana has ever been good at dealing with, so she promptly builds the wall around her heart just a little bit taller. Her heart has been broken and glued back together enough times that she's not sure how much more abuse it can take before it crumbles into a million pieces. She knows the next time it breaks she may not be able to put it back together again because the one who usually mends her heart will be the one who broke it.

So she shoots Puck one more disgusted glare before sexting the hot senior she fucked last week.

Santana is fine when Puck loses his mind and begins dating Shamu.

First RuPaul and now Tubbers. Has he gone completely nuts? Is the world playing one big cosmic joke on her? If so, it's not funny.

She was beyond confused and irritated (for reasons she doesn't care to admit) when he shaved his Mohawk off, and now he's dating wide load to gain his recently diminished popularity back. How does that even make sense? Sure she's a Cheerio, but Santana believes Sue should claim temporary insanity for ever even inviting Mercedes and Kurt to join her precious squad.

Santana was confused. If Puck wanted to gain back his popularity, then why didn't he just date her again? Then it would be guaranteed. Even after joining that loser group, also known as Glee Club, she still managed to maintain her popularity and had yet to receive any slushy facials. What was so wrong with her that her best friend chose some chubby diva over her? When did everything change?

Then _that bitch _actually had the nerve to say Puck was hers! Major WTF moment right there. Is she delusional? Santana has always been "his girl", and he will always be "her boy". Everyone at McKinley knew that. So when did Puck forget?

Maybe her smack down duet with Tubbers refreshed his memory.

So Santana pushed down her confusion, and dare she say it _jealousy_, and poured a slushy directly over a freshman's head.

Santana was fine when she advised Rachel to never say no. Why wouldn't she be?

She saw the way the Club and even Mr. Shue glanced over at her knowingly. As if to say, "Yeah, you obviously never say no. You don't get a slut reputation by keeping your legs closed."

But she did miss the concerned look in Puck's eyes before he quickly masked it with an indifferent stare.

The truth was Santana never says no because the one time she did, it didn't work. She remembers it like it was yesterday, but then again she doubts she will ever be able to forget it. She and Puck were freshmen and going to their first high school party. She and Puck had been drinking since 7th grade, but this was the first party they had attended with upperclassmen. Puck had already made the football team and Santana had already earned a spot on the Cheerios. They were well on their way to being high school royalty, so it was expected of them to show up at this particular party.

There was this hot junior who had been flirting with her all night whose name she can't remember but whose face she will never forget. Santana knew she looked good. She always did. Before long one drink turned into two, then two turned into four, and then before she knew it, she was trashed. She lost sight of Puck around her third drink, but she figured he was trying to get into some older girl's pants. He always had been a flirt.

She vaguely remembers being led up the stairs into an empty room. She remembers him whispering in her ear how "fucking sexy" she was as he pushed her up against a wall, and she can feel his erection bulging against his pants. She can still feel his grimy hands making their way under her shirt roughly squeezing her breasts hard enough to make her eyes tear. In a sudden moment, he roughly shoved her skirt and underwear down her legs causing her to gasp.

"No" she remembers mumbling against his mouth that is littering sloppy kisses all over her face. "I don't want-"

"What? Are you a virgin?" he laughs. "Well babe, you can't be virgin and be in high school, especially not on the Cheerios."

She had started crying because she knew he wouldn't stop. He continued to ignore her slurred pleas to stop and just let her go and instead continued to assault her in the worst way imaginable. So she blocked it out to the best of her ability.

When he was done, he pecked her on the mouth and told her it had been fun before leaving the room.

Santana has never talked about that horrific night, not even to Puck. He found her later that night sleeping in his bed at home as he snuck back in his house. He had been worried sick about her when he couldn't find her anywhere at the party and when she hadn't answered her cell. He was so relieved he didn't even wake her up to bitch at her. He just climbed in bed next to her and pulls her close to his chest.

However, she knows he knows. When she woke up screaming from a nightmare begging him to "please let go of me" and to "stop touching me", she knows he's figured it out. That has been a recurring nightmare over the years, and he never asks her any questions. He just gently rocks her back to sleep as she sobs into his chest all the while promising that he'll never let anyone hurt her again.

So as she tells Rachel to never say no she smirks her infamous smirk to hide the pain in her eyes.

Santana is fine when Puck gets Quinn pregnant.

So what if she and Quinn were best friends? Apparently friendships meant nothing to Puck and Quinn since Finn was Puck's best friend as well. _Was_ being the operative word.

Quinn and Puck are selfish. They didn't give two shits about her, and they sure as hell didn't give two shits about innocent doe eyed Finn. And now they are dealing with the aftermath of their drunken love fest.

Karma sure is a bitch.

But sex isn't dating. That's what she told Kurt and Mercedes. To the outside world, she and Puck were merely hook up buddies that at one time (and possibly not anymore) were best friends. But behind closed doors, when her walls came down and he was Noah not Puck, they were two teenagers so beautifully broken. Their love was tragic and it was fragile, but it was there and it terrified the both of them.

At school they were different people, and it disgusted her, but both of them had learned through their short lives that trusting was dangerous and neither one could afford to be hurt again.

So maybe it was her fault. Quinn is everything she's not. She's not afraid of her feelings. Maybe Puck was sick of living a double life. Maybe he didn't love her like he promised her. Maybe he had been lying this whole time. Maybe she shouldn't think about it anymore because what's done is done. She broke up with him because of his bad credit (at least that's what she said) and he knocked up one of her best friends.

She refuses to be hurt because her best friend (or is it ex best friend now) is an insensitive asshole. Thanks to their carelessness she was now HBIC. She didn't need Puck as a best friend. She had Brittany. And she sure as hell didn't need Puck as a boyfriend; especially not if he had super sperm. She had her pick of the guys at McKinely and pretty much anywhere else. She had everything she could ever want.

And she was fine.

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**Please review :)**


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